What an amazing and emotion-filled day. I know I will not be able to summarize or do it complete justice because so much of my experience has been embodied – and I am unable to find words to capture the sacredness of it all.
The morning began with Taize music, which I always find healing and peaceful. It centers me like no other music. I listened to the words of “Wait for the Lord,” wondering as I wait for God in many aspects of my own life.
The first presentation was about Latin@ and Latinx and disability. I loved the energy of the presenter and her laughter, and the theology really sparked an interest in me. This was all new to me. At the end, she explained that her father had died the night before. She always spoke to him before getting on a plane and it was because she called him before coming to the conference that she spoke to him before she died. She felt strongly she was where she should be – and it was true. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house.
Months ago I signed up for a writing conference. I had attended before and was really excited. Not long after that a friend told me about the Summer Institute of Theology and Disability. I looked it up online and realized it was happening at the exact same time and place as the writing conference. I thought about bailing, but it wasn’t in me. Days later, I received an email from the organizer of the writing conference refunding my money because the event had been canceled. It was too much of a coincidence. I immediately signed up for the Summer Institute.
I have felt this inexplainable draw to being at this conference. I cannot tell you why, except that the pieces fell into place. I still don’t know what “bigger” plan I have to be here, but here I am.
The second seminar I attended talked about the connection of mothers and their children. She spoke of the sacred, unexplainable moments in people’s lives. I have had many of those – this conference included.
Over lunch with a new friend I had amazing conversation that led to some important questions. “Why are you here?” I told her the story above. “What would you have written?” That one stopped me. I don’t know. I have written for fun, written in some magazines, write sermons, and here on this blog. It usually isn’t calculated. I still don’t have the answer, but I’m willing to sit with that question.
The entire morning was emotionally heavy so I took time to walk around town. I wandered both purposefully and meanderingly. I cried, I talked with God, I walked some more.
At worship I was surrounded by friends. An emotionally exhausting day that ended with the support of those who embraced me and challenged me.
Tonight I hung out with a friend who was really my partner’s friend. We laughed and walked for hours, talking about nothing and everything. All of these life giving conversations that feed me.
So, you may wonder what is with the squirrel. I had conversations about squirrels nearly everywhere I went today. One person asked me a question about squirrels, one person used it in the phrase of distraction (like, when someone sees a shiny object or movement and says “squirrel!”). Another presenter gave examples of squirrels in their powerpoint. Finally, a squirrel bombarded me while walking with the friend.
What does it all mean? Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t know why squirrels kept coming up in conversation any more than I know why I’m here. What I do know is to enjoy the ride – soak it all in. I’m glad to be here, even if it has been emotionally exhausting. I love squirrels, even if they run straight at me. I can find the beauty even if I cannot find the meaning.